Jokes

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bendnstretch
Posts: 1258
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 3:41 pm
Location: Brisbane

Jokes

Post by bendnstretch » Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:35 am

If any one has some good cleanish jokes then maybe they can be posted here.

I love to laugh :lol: :lol:
Trees and bikes are alike...
You can CHOP EM!!

bendnstretch
Posts: 1258
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 3:41 pm
Location: Brisbane

Post by bendnstretch » Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:49 am

I found this joke in this weeks Sunday Mail.

A motorcyclist was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his dead and in a booming voice, the Lord said:

"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said:
"Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want."

The Lord responded:
"Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said:
"I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong."

The lord replied:
"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


:lol: :lol:
Trees and bikes are alike...
You can CHOP EM!!

Chucky
Posts: 1065
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:51 am

Post by Chucky » Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:27 am

Not really a joke but funny none the less.

I pulled up alongside a couple on a Harley Road King; they both had matching harley jackets, matching harley trousers, matching harley helmets (with intercom!!), TWO harley flags, A trailer with the HD logo and an eagle airbrusged on it AND a huge windshield with a translucent HD logo stuck to it.

I wound my window down and asked "nice bike mate, what is it?"

:twisted:

Spokes
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Joined: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:43 am
Location: Queensland

Post by Spokes » Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:55 am

Chucky wrote: I wound my window down and asked "nice bike mate, what is it?"

:twisted:
It's a mid life crisis.
:twisted:
Harleys SUCK - Real men ride Yamaha's - FAST

Cromag
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Location: NSW

Post by Cromag » Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:44 am

I got home last night and the missus was in a fowl mood, she says to me "You never take me anywhere expensive" so I jumped in the car and took her down to the servo

bendnstretch
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Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 3:41 pm
Location: Brisbane

Post by bendnstretch » Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:21 am

ha haha ha ha ha ha :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Trees and bikes are alike...
You can CHOP EM!!

Chucky
Posts: 1065
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:51 am

Post by Chucky » Wed Oct 22, 2008 3:36 pm

Japanese guy turns up as Nelson Mandela's house with two car trailers packed full of compact japanes cars, when Nelson opens the door the Japanese dude thrusts the clup board in Nelsons face "YOU SIGN! YOU SIGN!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE DESE DOING HERE?" Shouted Nelson

The Japanese man looked at his clipboard and calmy says:-
"It say here you Nissan Main Deelar"


SOrry, thats sooo bad!

Spokes
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Location: Queensland

Post by Spokes » Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:00 am

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
Harleys SUCK - Real men ride Yamaha's - FAST

Prof
Founder, Choppers Australia
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Post by Prof » Sun Oct 26, 2008 1:48 pm

Sounds more like Hell to me!!!!!
Chopit'nrideit... Prof

sks
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Post by sks » Sun Oct 26, 2008 2:30 pm

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
Last edited by sks on Sun Oct 26, 2008 2:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

sks
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Post by sks » Sun Oct 26, 2008 2:31 pm

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Bearcx
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Post by Bearcx » Mon Oct 27, 2008 3:31 am

Cool story, samks. Laughed a lot. :lol: :lol: :lol:
The brave may not live long, but, the cautious do not live at all.

bendnstretch
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Location: Brisbane

Post by bendnstretch » Tue Oct 28, 2008 8:56 pm

Little Johnny is sitting in the gutter playing with a bottle and minding his own business.

A priest walks past and sees little Johnny in the gutter with the bottle.

The priest says: "Hello there Johnny what's in the bottle"

Little Johnny replies: "it's a bottle of Sulphuric Acid".

The priest is shocked and asks: "Isn't that a bit dangerous to be playing with little Johnny".

Little Johnny: "Nah it's good fun".

The priest asks Johnny: " Little Johnny can I interest you in a swap for that bottle of Sulphuric Acid".

"What have you got to swap that could be as fun as this bottle of Sulphuric Acid", says Johnny.

The priest replies: "I have this wonderful bottle of holly water".

Johnny: "So what, what can it do".

Priest: "Well you see little Johnny, this is a very special bottle of Holly water, I sprinkled some of this holly water on a pregnant lady's belly the other day and she passed a beautiful baby boy".

Little Johnny replies: "So What!! I sprinkled some of this Sulphuric Acid on a cats bum and it passed a beautiful Ferrari on the Hwy.

MEEEEEEOOOOOOOW
:lol: :lol:
Trees and bikes are alike...
You can CHOP EM!!

sks
Posts: 1411
Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:53 am

Post by sks » Tue Oct 28, 2008 9:39 pm

ben wrote: "So What!! I sprinkled some of this Sulphuric Acid on a cats bum and it passed a beautiful Ferrari on the Hwy.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Chucky
Posts: 1065
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:51 am

Post by Chucky » Wed Oct 29, 2008 8:40 am

What is the difference between Michael Hutchence and Pricess Diana?

Michael knew how to use a belt.

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